So my name is Becky, and I live in Sheffield in England. I am a lawyer working in the charity sector and am a single mum to a lovely little lady.

My story is a story I have written about before (www.beckyforder.com) so I don’t intend to repeat it on this blog but the reason I feel so passionately about the things I want this project to be about are because of the lessons I have learnt, the things God has set in my heart, the passions that have grown, coming out of that story.

Ten years ago, with no warning whatsoever, my precious husband, John, died. He was 28 and was fit and well. He fell ill and within 18 hours had gone. I was 6 months pregnant with our first child, Lucy. It ripped my world apart, it threw me into a place I never anticipated being. The pain was overwhelming at times, a lot of the time, there were lots of wrestles and struggles, it pushed my faith to the limits and those closest to me too!!

The 10 years since have been a funny old journey, a crazy mix of pain and joy. Lessons of holding on, of forgiveness and grace, of keeping on loving even when it hurts and its hard, of trusting, of choosing life and not bitterness, of identity, of faith, of community. So many beautiful and life-giving lessons which could only have come through the agony, the desperation, the loss, the emptiness. Would I have chosen those lessons over having him here? NO absolutely not! But there wasn’t an either or option, I didn’t get to chose how it played it out I could only walk the path I had been given. I haven’t always walked it well, in fact a lot of the time it has been hideously messy but I can say with absolute certainty that I am incredibly blessed and there has been so much beauty in the midst of and because of the mess.